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Survival Kit C: Kawaii Kit.

This survival kit is designed to come in handy if you find yourself accidentally sucked into a post apocalyptic anime, which happens more frequently than you might think.  You’re going to need to be prepared for faceless government agents hunting you using supernatural technology, an explosion in the population of free-roaming predatory animals, long walking montages into distant sunrises, mutated cannibalistic humans, and giant tentacle penis monsters.

In order to survive in the hostile wasteland of a post apocalyptic anime, you might benefit from survival kit C, the Kawaii Kit.

1. For the first slot, which I normally reserve for the indispensable fixed blade knife; I’ve chosen to up the ante by throwing in something thematically appropriate.   Every hero worth his ink in a post apocalyptic manga needs a ridiculously large sword. The Hanwei Odachi is aroud five and a half feet long, end to end, and is hand forged using the steel folding technique adopted by forgemaster Paul Chen. While not the most versatile blade to stick in a survival kit, just carrying a beast like this will dissuade a lot of rice-ball chomping school-girl chasing street thugs from messing with you.  If you want a cheaper alternative to this swords $850 price tag; Coldsteel.com makes a durable, practical katana for half the price.

2. The ultimate in versatile utensils, Tie’t Kuai Zi, or Iron Chopsticks, are both kung-fu weapon, eating utensil, and all around, a handy pair of little metal spikes.  Before you use them in combat, you may need to train first.  Finding traditional iron chopsticks or iron needles is a little tricky, but some stainless steel ones will do the trick. $30

3. Since you’re probably not ready to face your first giant tentacle beast, being able to hide from him is going to boost your chances of survival. For what’s swiftly becoming the mandatory ‘weak’ slot, black is the new black; for around $60, we’re going to pick up a relatively authentic ‘Shinobi Shozoku’ or ninjitsu uniform complete with face mask and hidden pockets.

4. In many post-apocalytpic anime scenarios, it’s common to run into a powerful and attractive warrior of the opposite sex that you will either have to fuck or kill (or both), they are typically either viciously ruthless or insanely good natured.  Following the rules of anime, someone is indicated as stunningly beautiful or a potential love interest by actually having a visible sparkle.  This DIY Bishie Sparkle is the perfect solution for turning a potential lethal encounter into an uncensored hentai encounter.  We’re going to add 1 pound of iridescent baby blue crystalina body glitter to this survival kit for the reasonable price of $48.

5. For the last, and most important item in the kit, we’re going to need a way to both facilitate our survival and define our idiom in this dystopic cartoon landscape.  It was pretty hard to come up with one item that could so perfectly encapsulate the spirit of this survival kit, ensure our safety in a hostile world, and have a practical use, let alone such an amazing practical use…  the Tokkuri, or  sake jug. Nothing symbolizes the fact that you’re the rebellious wandering hero better than a big sword and a bottle of sake.  For anywhere from $14 (for the gekkeikan black and gold sake bottle) to a priceless vintage ceramic antique; a bottle of delicious sake will win you friends, keep your spirits up, and project a strong demeanor of bad-ass to anyone thinking about fucking with you.

So Just to recap, this awesome survival kit features an impractically large sword, a pair of chopsticks, a ninja costume, some body glitter, and a bottle of booze.  I think we’re ready for whatever scenario the world is going to throw at us.

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