© 2011 Josh digital_shodan

Everybody’s working for the weekend.

Amazon’s “Reccomended for You” system is fucking idiotic.

Whenever you order anything from amazon, it goes into your purchase history, and is used to recommended other products that ‘you might also like’ that, as we all know, populate the contents of a steady stream of emails.

If the system weren’t idiotic, those e-mails might be filled with recommendations you might really be interested in.  I bought a set of knives a few days ago; not for cutting gators or hookers, but just kitchen knives to facilitate food preparation.  Some recommendations I would have welcomed, perhaps even purchased, relating to my kitchen knives, might have been things like a whetstone, or some other sharpening device; a cutting board perhaps, or, I don’t know, any other fucking kitchen products.

What was in my “reccomended for you”? 8 more fucking knife sets.  Not even individual knives that might have been absent from the set I bought.  8 sets.  After I made my one purchase, of knives, the Amazon hive brain decided “this guy really likes sets of knives, he probably owns a restaurant and also, all of his friends are chefs.  He will buy all of our knives!”

The same thing happened when I bought my television.  When I ordered my TV, Dr. Amazon, in his castle made of commerce on the top of Doomcrusher mountain, was watching me, and based on that one moment in time, decided the only thing I purchased was televisions; there were never any offers for cables, speakers, tv-stands, mounting brackets, blu-ray players, things to watch… just endless emails offering me more and more televisions that were kind of similar to the one I had purchased.

It’s infuriating, I use Amazon pretty frequently, and instead of the (Phillip K Dick, William Gibson, Isaac Asimov) experience of encountering a powerful and terrifying alien entity collecting scraps of information about me and fusing it into a simulation of my identity from which it can glean powerful psychological insights and victimize me with dangerously well targeted advertisements that both bypass my intellectual and habitual resistance; instead I’m faced with a dim-witted adversary that just pelts piles of junk mail at me, trying to get one letter into my mouth.

Dear amazon, why cant you be a super-intelligent robot bent on the domination of humanity?

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *


You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

Get Adobe Flash player